So I got a lot done today, I had little to no stress...well, except when I was pulling into the parking lot. Anxiety overwhelmed me. It is extremely hard going there. There is no way I can do it right now without medicine. BUT, by a certain time, I was calm. Why? She wasn't there. Jason wasn't there. Today, it felt like I was free to actually work and get things completed.
Now just sitting here, anxiety. So much so that I think if I just screamed for 10 minutes, I might feel better. Of course I can't do that. But that is what this all feels like. I want to scream, there is a scream in side of me and it's overwhelming. I just wish it would end...the screaming...the crying...just being desperate. I miss being happy and not so damn fearful of total destruction.
I bet they are both back tomorrow. I need to keep it together. I am off on Wednesday. I really hope Wednesday is a great day. I really need it to be.
It sucks when one day is good because they were not there and you know it is only temporary. Tomorrow is going to be hell all over again. My mind knows it, my body knows it. I just want to cry.
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